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Use your nose to be nosy and to smell

We are packing up to leave a kitchen fire, the fire now knocked down. It’s in a nicer neighborhood, but people are as nosy as in any other neighborhood. A woman and her teenagers approach. “Was that a...

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What ARE politicians doing that’s so important that they travel with lights...

WCBS-TV has a piece about New York mayor Bill de Blasio’s caravan ignoring stop signs and speed limits and generally driving like assholes just TWO DAYS AFTER he announced a massive plan, Vision Zero,...

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Thank you for your input

Code 3 for an intoxicated subject on a bus. So there’s a drunk on the bus. What else is fucking new. There are only 3 call types involving buses – drunk, seizure, fall, and sometimes 2 or all 3 of them...

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My mother taught me to keep my mouth shut

Especially when I didn’t have anything nice or or intelligent or productive to say. So why is it that civilians always insist on saying really stupid things to us? “Don’t let her fall.” “Do your job!”...

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Our job is…

…be calm and logically solve people’s problems, usually little problems that people apparently can’t solve themselves. This is quite different from the job civilians’ do, which is to loudly say the...

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Yours is not the only call in the world

Code 3 for unknown. As we arrive at the convenience store parking lot, a man on a bicycle rides up to us and tells us that there’s a traffic collision involving 2 vehicles a couple of blocks down. He...

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I got schooled by a 19-year-old

I’m getting coffee. On duty. Yes, that happens. Leave me alone. The young woman behind the counter asks me how my day is going. “Well, I’m at work, unfortunately.” I fake a sigh. I say this all the...

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Stop whining

The big news going around today is an Anne Arundel County, Maryland, dispatcher is facing termination because he told a 13-year-old girl to “stop whining” (audio included) after a hit-and-run driver...

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CYA culture run amok

One of my most hated things is going to the airport for calls. Some of the most ridiculous calls I’ve been to were at the airport. In short, airlines love passing the buck to 911 so they can cover...

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Another unhappy taxpayer

In another story this week in idiots and groceries, this Oroville, California man is angry at firefighters for getting groceries on duty. He is in particular mad that the firefighters preferred to shop...

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